My boyfriend really wants me to let him video tape us having sex. We’ve been together for almost 4 years and trust isn’t an issue, but it’s something I don’t think I am comfortable with. I don’t want to disappoint him but it’s something he seems to REALLY want to do. What should I tell him?
Dear Camera Shy,
I’m pretty sure you just answered your own question, but to give you further support, here’s my advice: it doesn’t matter if you’re together for 10 days or 10 years, getting caught on film can screw you harder than the you in the video. So unless you are prepared to suffer the consequences of potential employers, in-laws, clergymen and horny neighborhood school children seeing you rock the cock off performing a reverse cowgirl, let your man friend know that this is out of the question and a pursuit of the issue is somewhat of an insult to your intelligence and decision making capacity.
Not that I think your partner is disrespecting you in anyway by asking you to perform for his Sony, it actually shows the caliber of respect he has for you by asking…and not setting up a camera under a pile of his dirty boxers and Chinese take-out boxes. I consider it a good sign because it shows that he isn’t afraid to communicate his needs with you. However if you do turn him down and he is still persistent in his desire for you to get your Jenna Jameson on, you need to put your foot down, possibly on his nuts, not literally though.
Relationships involve a lot of communication as well understanding of your partner. It is good that he is communicating his desires to you, but he also needs to understand that this is posing some discomfort for you. If he begins to think that it is a lack of trust you have in him, just tell him what my mom always used to say when I’d have boys in my room “It’s not that I don’t trust you, I don’t trust the situation.”
Having a ticking time-bomb like a sex video hanging around that can disappear for a few days to months and reappear when your man is trying to download Easter photos in front of his mom can cause a whole mess of problems. Cameras (especially those digital ones) can sometimes store photos or videos in the camera on private or hidden files and get downloaded to a computer when you least expect it. So even if the intent is to be kept private, there are a whole slew of incredibly possible mishaps that can get this 3 minute to 2 hour video out in the open. Not to mention if it falls into the wrong hands or you piss off said partner, they will have leverage over you that is out of your control. Or you could use it for leverage in your favor, but I’m pretty sure any decent person would never use blackmail to get what they want…
So to get back to your question if you aren’t comfortable with the situation, let him know. If he is able to talk you into it, so be it. Just make sure that there are no copies made and the DVD it is stored on is strategically hidden and labeled as Gigli to ensure no one will watch it or even better they’ll scratch the shit out of it because they are thinking they are doing society a favor.
Good luck Camera Shy,