The hosts of The Hump Connection, Artie (who likes to Party) and Vanna Mix-A-Lot, know a thing or two about helping people hump. After all, Rule #3 of The Hump Connection is that it’s about connecting parts, not hearts. As Artie and Vanna like to put it, “This isn’t the hold hands connection. It’s not the romantic candlelit dinner connection. It’s not the fall deeply in love and spend hours at a time staring into each other’s eyes connection. This is the Hump Connection!”
The Hump Connection, hosted at Mid City’s 12 Mile Limit, isn’t a dating show. Dating shows have contestants politely vying for the affections of the bachelor or bachelorette with their wit and wily charms. The Hump Connection has horny, drunken contestants doing Top Gun monologues in the style of prom queens, breaking champagne bottles, and forcibly making out with the hosts – who may or may not be wearing sequined short shorts under their tear-away pants.
The two lovely and sexually enlightened hosts have some good tips for keeping the spirit of the Hump alive in everyday life. Unfortunately, unlike being a contestant on the Hump Connection, they don’t come with free cocktails.
“The first rule of the Hump Connection is to participate. Be present. Be there. Respond.” (Artie)
2. Be kind.
“The second rule is to treat people well. Respect the fact that that person is a human being. “ (Vanna)
“Just because someone wants you to tie them up and whip them doesn’t mean that you should treat them like an animal. Keeping the hump alive is about being with somebody you trust, and respect. And who respects you” (Artie)
3. Connect parts, not hearts.
“The third rule is that it’s not about love. It’s not about finding the person of your dreams, necessarily.” (Artie)
“It’s about really honoring and opening yourself up to the sexual part of yourself that so often gets hidden and covered over, and inviting somebody else into that space.” (Vanna)
“ It’s hard. It’s a hard thing to do. But once you get there, it’s beautiful.” (Artie)
4. Find your scene.
“Surround yourself with like-minded people. If you’re around fun people, romance – or whatever you want to call it- will come to you.” (Artie)
5. Safety Third.
“Make safety third… by bringing safety into the bedroom. Have a ménage a tois with safety. Softly whisper into safety’s ear. It’s hard to keep the Hump alive if you die, or get an STD. “ (Artie)
“Fucking communication. It sounds silly, but be willing to communicate with whatever partner you’re with in terms of what you want.” (Vanna)
“That communication isn’t about just sex, it’s about creating an open dialogue. Where you can really talk like, ‘I like when you put this thing in my ass, but this other thing is too big.’ It’s important to have those details!” (Artie)
7. Try new things.
“Be willing to try something! Maybe you are in a monogamous relationship and want to come and look for a third.” (Artie)
“We do any configuration.” (Vanna)
“Any. We want more configurations. Configurations that we can’t even imagine.” (Artie)
8. Own It.
“If you just like dry humping through jeans on a couch in your parent’s house, and that’s just your thing, fucking own that shit. Own coming in your pants at your parent’s house. Somebody else will be into it. Have you seen the internet?” (Artie)
9. Go to a sex party.
“I went to a sex party at Kinky Salon… It was great! It was such a positive experience. Because I was with somebody that I really trusted, somebody that I can communicate with, I found myself able and willing to get myself out of situations I didn’t feel comfortable with, but also be brave enough to explore new things. (Vanna)
“Just experiencing that environment and finding this perspective… like, “This is sex! This is fun. This is playing together.” And that can apply to everyone, whether you’re in a married, monogamous relationship or whether you want to fuck everything that moves.” (Artie)
10. Get involved with The Hump Connection.
“It’s a safe, supportive, fun environment for people to meet each other. It’s not predatory. It’s not formal. It’s a big group of people who have just enjoyed this really fun show experience together. We help create this space where once a month, in public, people can talk openly about sex. And have it be a fun thing, rather than this weird taboo thing we hide away. My hope is that it promotes safe and open conversations about sex. And that people there are inspired to be willing and open to speak to other people around them.” (Vanna)
The Hump Connection is hosted monthly at 12 Mile Limit, 500 Telemachus St. For more information on The Hump Connection or to apply to be on the show, check out thehumpconnection.com.